Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

I am writing a book and I want to know from the PUBLIC what they think of this. Here we go (and please leave honest comments and things you thing I could improve.)

Main Character: Nataly Coleman

Characteristics:Brown hair, brown eyes, beauty mark %26amp; journal with her.

Wants: A boyfriend, a job, better fashion.

Issues: Clothes, trends, getting a car.

What shoots the story off: HOT AGENCY! Looking for models, actresses, singers, ect. $200/hr (555-6783)

First line: "Should it be placed here?" The picture of my old house brought back memories no one would understand.

Where:Washington state

PLEASE HELP ADD THINGS YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL LIKE! Btw, the whole idea of the story si she goes from wanting a job %26amp; a boyfriend, to becoming a model and being caught up in her business life instead of personal.

Gets pregnant from some movie star, and gets paparazzi everywhere, the movie star just forgets about her and she is stuck with the kid in the middle of her career.

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

Hi again! I agree with some of the people who posted earlier, as far as your character goes, you gave more of a profile. People want to know what KIND of a person she is: her personality, her opinions, etc. We want to know your character, what she's like, not just a description to pick her out from an identification chart.

I also agree that the beginning should be a little different...of course, I won't suggest a beginning because I don't know the whole story, so I wouldn't be able to give the best beginning. It's your story, so whatever goes with the story, that's the best thing to do...(didn't realize you were doing it in 1st person...good luck ^_^)

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

sounds interesting but you should find a more cathing line to gain people's attention other than that i would definetly read your book! Good Luck!

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

Honestly, I don't think there is quite enough info to decide if the story would be interesting or not, but it might be. Develop it more and change that beginning.

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

Sounds good, just make sure it doesn't turn into a bridget jones diary.

I think something for a first line like "No, that just doesn't seem right. The picture.....

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

I think you need to do a whole truckload of character analysis. Brown hair and a beauty mark is NOT a character analysis. This is a case of a typical novice writer whose idea of characterization is cute people with cute names doing cute things. You have told me absolutely NOTHING about this character or any other characters in the story. We know nothing about their past, who they are, what they are, what motivates them ... All we have here is your basic Jackie Collins/Danielle Steele plot ... Right now, you have precious little to go on. You need strong character analysis, a good strong outline, several subplots and backstories ... and a lot more believability. All you need is some drugs for it to be Valley of the Dolls. You need to put more originality into it. Most of those ads are fake anyway. From what I have seen so far, I'm not buying any of it. Pax - C

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

Don't write the book for the public, write what you'd want to read. Write you please you! If you like the novel and if you are interested in it, then go ahead and write it/publish it.

Does this story sound interesting to you (I need opinons)?

Your plot line sounds very good. Is this a lifestyle, geographic location, profession and culture that you know about? Is "Issues" your term for themes? If not, what are your themes?

I don't like your first line, at least not all of it. Starting with a quote, especially one like that, is very newspaperish or 1930s--40s potboiler. But, I really like as the beginning of your opening line, "The picture of my old house brought back memories [of?] [about?] [to SOMETHING too[SOMETHING?] . . .." You've got to finish it somehow, but I don't think you want to start a story where you want the reader to identify you--especially if you're going to do first person narrative, which I think is particularly tough-- with "no one would understand." Washington state must be so beautiful--it's the only state I haven't been to yet. I hope you weave it into the story, maybe even make it part of a character theme or something.

Where's the beauty mark?

Best of luck with this. You've off to a good start!